“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hate so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” -James Baldwin
This was a response I wrote to a twitter thread posted by an Oglala Lakota writer named Ali Watson, expressing frustration at the callous responses that many hateful people have been spewing since POTUS Trump mocked the Trail of Tears in his acknowledgement of Elizabeth Warren’s intent to run in 2020.
There are a few reasons why I’m posting this here. First, twitter reverse-ordered my posts (which I see now may have something to do with how I replied to my own original post a bunch of times instead of “stacking” the posts… technology snafu), and so I wanted to provide a link to Ali & other people that is easier to read.
Second, in writing it, I feel as though I was able to finally begin to articulate in words some issues regarding European ancestry and European genetic pain as a whole, and how it is “blooming” (I use the word “bloom” more in the sense of algae or yeast, not as in flowers… the phenomenon of results of a very old happening finally reaching the surface in a way that cannot be denied) in a very horrible way in this part of our timeline.
This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time. As I work on my own ancestral healing I am beginning to find pain that I didn’t know existed, from a long time ago.
So far I have only been able to trace my lineage back 3 steps on either side. Beyond that, it is unknown to me, at least consciously.
Seeing so much hate and derision come out of people who share a similar ancestry as I do is wrenching.
Yet I also know that the more someone is in pain, the more likely they are to lash out. I’ve been there. When I have felt a lot of pain inside, I’ve lashed out. Though, I’ve hurt myself much more than others. Self-injury, rather than hurting others, was my MO from a young age. I am learning new and more healthy ways of coping, but I think everyone has felt what it is like to be nasty because we’re struggling. But what I am seeing in the news these days is beyond just your everyday “being an asshole.”
It is very difficult to put words to what has never been excavated before.
Fellow witches have been talking about this for a long time. But, it’s only recently with epigenetics that it is beginning to come into common conversation. And we are actually witnessing the real-life repercussions of deep-seeded pain that has not been given the chance to truly be mourned by the people who suffered it so long ago.
Until European Lines truly mourn what we suffered by the decisions of our bloodline relatives – or the suffering we inflicted on our siblings!, we will not truly be able to hold space for the sufferings of others, whether we caused them, or not.
Until European descendants can mourn their own history, and take off the “you’re blaming me” defense suit, we’ll continue to collectively struggle with this.
I implore my European siblings to realize this:
“Getting over it” requires letting your heart bleed and eyes cry.
And once you do that you’ll never tell anyone to “get over it” ever again.
It’s the same rejoinder that they spew to their own race when we suffer from trauma, disease, pain, poverty, abuse, and ask for understanding. It goes beyond racism – though that is one way it comes out. It’s really about any deeply human wound that has to be healed, and they are afraid. I see it in my interactions with other white ppl all the time. It’s very sad. It happens because they are so afraid of their own historical pain that it is easier for them to hate. White people have not truly mourned the damage that we have done to each other, much less other races. When the mourning finally comes to pass, well, only then will those who said “get over it” finally learn what “get over it” really means.
They say “get over it” because they are so afraid of facing their own ancestral pain. They think that “getting over it” is a thing. It isn’t. It’s just a stupid phrase.
You could throw the book of Epigenetics at their face and it wouldn’t matter.
The Trail of Tears being activated in collective consciousness right now activates their own issues that have been suppressed for generations.
European lines have not been able to mourn. All I have to do is mention Burning Times to someone that is not a witch or ally and they glaze over or roll eyes. And the Spanish Inquisition has become a joke amongst THE VERY LINES THAT SUFFERED! Most don’t even know their own history, or even care to know! Yet, they like how “cool” it is to be Italian or French or whateverthefuck. The tragedy of language has not glossed their heart yet. They will not know until their tears open their eyes wide in horror at what a syllable does and means. Of course, to live in the world we have to transcend that, but we still remember. Many don’t. They do not want to.
Imagine what that does to a people. The self-hatred is so deep. In my own meditations sometimes I wonder, what must have been so bad that we felt the need to cross the fucking OCEAN? Settler lines are largely still running away from all of that pain, stuffing it down, pretending like it is possible to “get over it” when it isn’t.
All they have are distant emotional memories. The stories are gone, and replacing them are new stories of new beginnings on new land, and with them, the internal lies that have to be constructed to convince the next generations that everything is OK at the core, but it isn’t.
Many of us are conducting this mourning and healing, but watching the rest that are still raging against beginning the healing process is so hard.
I hope you can see that this is not anything to do with “excusing” but rather explaining some of the very deep ancestral reasons why this is happening.
It’s often easier to be nasty to someone who is hurting, than to be fully present. It’s called denial.
To see and hold space for another’s pain requires strength that not many have yet.
I do believe that our COLLECTIVE HUMAN RACE is on the verge of a major transcendence. We cannot go much longer without it. The critical mass is building. And the spirit will overcome. There is no other way. I do not believe that Gaia will tolerate this shit for much longer. She’s already fighting back.
I feel you. There are many who are with you, many waking up. It can’t be stopped.